Your inner mean girl is really your bodyguard

Understanding the voice that holds you back or... your Bizarro

First of all… over 9,000 of you? Are you joking. Are you kidding me!? This is insane. To every single person who’s subscribed, liked, shared, or even accidentally stumbled onto my little corner of the internet—you’re an angel. I love you with my whole entire heart🤎

If you’ve been here a minute, you probably noticed I took a little writing hiatus. A few weeks off in the name of mental health, sanity, and not emotionally combusting on the internet. Coming back to this level of love, community, & support, is something I’ll never take for granted. The entire time I was gone, my inner mean girl was putting in overtime. She was real loud and proud. Reminding me I’m not good enough, not smart enough, not funny enough, not disciplined enough. So at some point, I hit a wall and said enough was enough. And honestly, what better way to return from this little vacation than with the exact thing I’ve been working on behind the scenes: dismantling the inner mean girl. Figuring her out. Outsmarting her. And despite her voice, learning how to show up anyway♡

Let me tell you something about the inner mean girl in my brain I call Bizarro. (where are my Smallville fans at?) She’s a snarky little menace. A professional hater and suspiciously efficient at sniffing out the exact words that will make me doubt myself. Every time I get close to something good, exciting, brave, or something remotely in the neighborhood of growth—she shows up. Nails filed. Arms crossed. Always ready to rain on my parade. Suddenly, I’m 0.2 seconds away from shutting the laptop, ghosting my goals again, and pretending it didn’t even matter to me in the first place.

Honestly, it’s exhausting and also kind of predictable at this point.

I used to think this voice was my truth, my “higher self”, or just me trying to be realistic and humble. No. Turns out it’s just my inner mean girl, living rent free in my head, cosplaying as some wise Jedi. She’s my nervous system’s way of trying to survive, but confuses survival with sabotage.

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Her origin story

This voice didn’t come out of nowhere. She’s not evil. She’s not even your worst self. She’s a defense mechanism with bad manners. A glitchy, overworked, extremely dramatic bodyguard. She came together, piece by piece, somewhere along the line growing up. The sum of every subtle (and not so subtle) message you’ve ever absorbed about who it’s safe to be.

The parent who said, “Don’t get your hopes up.”

The girl in middle school who bullied you.

Every time someone made success feel like a personality flaw or delusion.

The job that made you feel widlyl replaceable.

At some point—whether you were 8 or 18—your brain went, “Ah ok, playing small = safe. Risk = pain. Visibility = danger. Let’s like… never forget that.”

And ever since, she’s been sitting in the passenger seat like an unqualified emotional bodyguard! Trying to keep you out of harm’s way by keeping you out of the game entirely.

The Bizarro plot twist

If you’re a Smallville fan, you get why I named her Bizarro🤭

Bizarro is Clark Kent’s mirror opposite. Same face. Same voice. Same core desire—to be loved, accepted, safe. But his logic is nonexistent. The sun, that gives Clark his strength, literally weakens Bizarro. His face cracks in the sunlight, like his mask starts slipping when he’s exposed to the truth. He’s compensating. He’s fractured. Operating from survival mode, not integrity. His method is toxic to say the least. Absolutely destructive.

That’s the inner mean girl. That’s your Bizarro.

She wears your face. She talks like you. Knows exactly how you operate, but her logic is inverted. She confuses self sabotage with self preservation, criticism for protection, and staying small with staying safe. Where you see potential, she whispers failure. If you’re proud, she mutters not enough. Wherever you feel brave, she warns visibility isn’t safe.

And just like Bizarro can’t survive in the sunlight, your inner mean girl doesn’t survive in awareness, compassion, and truth. The more you step into the metaphorical sunlight? The more she’s left powerless.

Ok, so how do I deal with her?

Name her, she’s not you!

You have to acknowledge her presence. When she start spiraling, recognize it. I hear you. Obviously, mine’s named Bizarro, and the second she starts her monologue, I laugh a little. I can instantly tell it’s just her crashing out again.

It may sound silly, but this is literal nervous system regulation. It’s this simple act of creating awareness that separates her voice from my true self.

Write the lies down

Your inner mean girl thrives in the background noise—spiraling off on the sidelines. Whatever she airs out, write. it. down. All of it. The whole nasty monologue. Drag it out into the sunlight where it can start to crack.

Yes, it feels mean, it feels cringe, but this is the map! The outline of where your nervous system went off track and still thinks growth means danger. The literal blueprint of where your limiting beliefs live.

Figure out what she’s protecting you from

Bizarro isn’t just being a hater for sport. She’s not actually trying to ruin your life. But she’s really trying to protect you, truly. From what? Usually from failure. Or rejection. Or the unbearable discomfort of being visible and vulnerable. The logic is backwards, but the intention is weirdly pure.

If she can convince you not to try, you don’t risk failing. If she can get you to shrink, you don’t risk being judged. If she talks you out of showing up, then nobody can hurt you—because you already ghosted yourself first.

And honestly, the fastest way to take the edge off her voice is to just clock it.

Figure out the shitty beliefs she keeps trying to sell you. Notice it, break it down, and even thank her for trying to keep you safe, but you’ve got it from here. She’s loud because she thinks she’s helping. So, thank her for her concern, but she can stop talking now.

Prove her dead wrong

I already know—my inner mean girl is a big fat liar!

“I’m not consistent.” Lies. I consistently feed my tiny humans. I consistently text back every 3-5 business days. I consistently have an annual Smallville binge. Sounds like some definite consistency to me.

“I never finish anything.” Babe, I’ve completed seasons of life that nearly broke me. I finished raising toddlers! I am, in fact, a finisher.

“It’s not for me.” Well, show me the proof because literally nobody said that. And nobody thinks that.

Look for the evidence that your inner mean girl is wrong—in every lie she keeps yapping about.

Rewrite the script, she doesn’t get the last word

Take lies you keep telling yourself and flip them back to your truth. It might feel delulu, but it’s really just rewiring your brain. Gaslight the shit out of her.

I finish what matters to me. I’ve done hard things before, so I can do this one too. I’m someone who shows up for myself in every way.

Sticky note it, make it your wallpaper, tattoo it on your frontal lobe if you have to—but read it to yourself every day. I put it inside my personal mission statement and it’s the first thing I read when I wake up.

Stack the evidence

Set aside some time this week to sit down and write 100 things that you’ve accomplished. Yep, one-freaking-hundred.

Write the things you’ve done that are hard (big or small), the inconvenient things, the really brave things, the things you didn’t think were worth celebrating before. Small, big, silly, serious. Every single one is proof that you are not someone who abandons yourself.

Remember, keep putting in the hard work

I can’t sit around waiting for Bizarro to shut up. She just won’t. She’s annoying like that. I’ll never heal her out of existence. But she does get to sit in the backseat, nervously clutching her seatbelt, screaming “I don’t think this is a good idea” while I hit the gas anyway.

See, our inner mean girl gonna freak out either way. Let them. You’ve got places to be.

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Stay hot, always❤️‍🔥

Robin

The Elevated It Girl

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